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Remember when you were a kid and someone told you that drinking Mountain Dew kills sperm. And you thought ‘Oh, okay.’ And then years later someone in your class found out about vaccines and decided that it meant, according to the transitive property, that Mountain Dew had to have sperm in it in order to kill sperm. Then you thought, ‘Ew, gross.’ And years later when you were sitting alone in your living room, drinking Mountain Dew with Maker’s Mark, thinking about what it was like to be a child, when you just believed everything the kids with the confident voices told you? And you thought ‘Jesus Fucking Christ, I’m surprised the Boston Public School system didn’t kill all the brain cells.’
No? Just me then?
